How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has now been out for nearly a century. Originally published in 1936, this book has remained relevant and proves that interpersonal communication remains a fundamental part of the human experience.

Being as old as it is, it's amazing how the stories that make up each chapter of each part to describe prove and put each principle into action remain so easy to understand and feel easily implemented into the reader's life. Of course, many of these techniques feel obvious once read and for me, that's what makes this book so famous. Such simple changes to our lives and the way we interact with different people can reap unbelievable benefits and open doors you don't know are there. For me, I immediately thought of people in my life who represent some of these principles and compared that to the opinions others have on them. All in all, what I got from this book is we should smile more, we should be more understanding of others, we should give compliment each other sincerely, admit mistakes, ask more questions, and simply listen with intent, and little things like never saying "you're wrong" and replacing "but" with "and" to make criticism more gratifying. This book revolutionised the self-help genre and deserves its praise. Below I've included a list of each part and its accompanying principles.

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. - Criticism can breed resentment and rarely encourages the behavior change you're hoping for.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. - Appreciation, as opposed to flattery, must be genuine and is a powerful motivator.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. - Understand and appeal to what others fundamentally desire, not just what you need from them.
   

Part Two: Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people. - Showing sincere interest in others wins friends more than trying to get people interested in you.

2. Smile. - A simple smile can make a huge difference in all of your interpersonal communications.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. - Using someone's name is crucial in building respect and rapport.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. - Listening is key to making others feel appreciated.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests. - When you talk about what others find interesting, the conversation becomes more engaging for them.

6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. - People value sincerity and need to feel valued.
   

Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. - Arguments tend to escalate conflicts and seldom resolve the underlying issue.

2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, 'You're wrong.' - This protects the other's dignity and helps keep discussions constructive.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. - This builds trust and sets a foundation for more meaningful dialogue.

4. Begin in a friendly way. - A friendly approach is more likely to result in cooperation.

5. Get the other person saying 'yes, yes' immediately. - Starting with points of agreement helps keep others receptive to new ideas.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. - This helps them feel like they are actively participating in the conversation.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. - People are more attached to ideas they believe they've thought of themselves.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. - Empathy leads to better understanding and fewer conflicts.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. - Acknowledging and sympathizing with others' viewpoints can defuse potential opposition.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives. - People like to think of themselves as noble and will respond favorably to appeals to their better natures.

11. Dramatize your ideas. - Presenting your ideas in a dramatic, engaging way can capture attention and enhance persuasion.

12. Throw down a challenge. - Challenges can stimulate competition and commitment.
    

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. - Starting positively makes it easier to handle sensitive issues.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. - This softens the impact of criticism.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. - This shows empathy and understanding.

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. - This encourages cooperation instead of resistance.

5. Let the other person save face. - Protecting the other's self-esteem maintains a better relationship.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. - Positive reinforcement encourages continued progress.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. - When people are expected to perform well, they often do.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. - Encouragement can be more motivating than criticism.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. - When people feel good about their actions, they are more likely to act.